Chapter 7&8


My parents leave with a thousand gifts the week after Christmas, and regardless of all the meals Vivian and I had made for Christmas she and her man came to my house for dinner. Not that I mind, I actually felt comfortable with people I am used to being around; I am still working on getting as close to the Saunders. I sure will get used to them, they are the least complicated people I know.
On New Years Eve its just me and my fiancé, and I must say a romantic night indoors is exactly what I need. Anyways that romantic night only lasted until eight in the evening. “There is somewhere I want to take you.” He says whispering to my ear seductively. “Well I’ve been thinking we should go to our bedroom, and we can take things from there.” I say as I bite his lip. “Thats a food for thought, but I want to make tonight special.” He says smilingly.
“Do I change or is my outfit appropriate?”
“You know you look gorgeous in anything, but this one is a special occasion.” He replies.

I could see by the way he is so happy that I am back; that he was broken when I was not around. Men are not as emotionally strong as we may assume. They have also been flecked to the core and played just like most women. It is hard to believe that when a woman loves a man she loves for real and it is wholeheartedly. On most cases, when we give them our all we only get back what is left of him because half of him is dead by the trials and tribulations that he has overcome with at most one lady. The problem with men is that if the lady whom they love for real leaves, they make the decision to never love again. This leads to men having one night stands for the purpose of maintaining their feelings and not getting too attached. With Stanley I could say he is a closed book; but knowing men in general and being his lady, I could tell you that there is more than the deep angelic eyes, something that cannot be seen with a naked eye or felt by a careless heart.
He said its dinner at the headquarters for all business men and women. I place all my limited edition, specially made dresses on our bed and end up choosing the burgundy with a touch of beige on the heels. My accessories match the color of my heels and my hair still looks beautiful from the hair do I did for Christmas, so hairstyling wont take long. Sometimes I think he is too good to be true; yet when I wake up next to him every morning I see life in a different way.
I find him standing downstairs staring at his watch. He turns when he hears the tapping of my heels against the well tiled floor. His eyes are fixed on me. I walk down the stairs like any Queen would, to reach out for the hand of my King. “Wow!” he says finally. I had him stunned for a while. His tie matches the color of my dress and his tuxedo has a stroke of beige on the collar and bottom ends of the sleeves. I smile at him, not knowing exactly what to say. He looks so handsome. I have always noticed that he has a well structured body but I have never seen him go to gym.
He has fairly broad shoulders; an upright chest and an athletes posture. The sight of his physique that turns heads and his scent breaks necks. He is a fresh face brown skin with an amazingly curled afro. The curls on his head are soft like the dandelion blooming on autumn. It travels as far as his warm lips matching the color of his skin but partly shaded in a slight strawberry pink. His eyes are a toffee brown coated with surrounding Milky Way. His accent is like Antarctic wind blowing in the empty yet icy surrounding, breaking from his voice box like a soft violin. His heavy steps can make the world stand and his smile gives the sunlight something to stare. I wouldn’t blame anyone for not resisting the sight of him laughing carelessly yet diligently. His fear for his creator gives more the reasons to respect his being.

We arrive and it seems he forgot that there is a theme for the day which is black and white. The color of our clothes turns heads. We are the only ones in the room not wearing black and white. I am not as fond as my fiancé when it comes to business, so I follow where the wind blows. I am introduced for more than twenty times to more than twenty couples. Thank God for giving my friend a man involved in business, she is the second person of all these faces , that I know and find easy to communicate with. Just when I thought we were done another gentleman stands before us and greets Stanley first. I think I know that deep raucous voice, but then again…
“Mr. Saunders, glad you could join us.” He says as they shake hands. He stands up to formally introduce me to this man in black. “Oh, Parker, this is my wife.” He says. My thoughts rush to my mouth, “Parker?” I scream in my head. Vivian looks at him and is as shocked as I am “Parker!”
“Oh my goodness this is not happening.” I succeed at hiding that I know him. I gawk at him with sharp eyes. ‘Here lies the body of the love of my life. Here lies the father of my children both alive and dead. Rest in pieces my true love, who because of me sleep evaded. Ashes to ashes, dust to dust’, I say this in my head because I know I am ready to be accountable for the murder of my ex husband who is probably here to mess up my life.
“Do you know him baby?” Stanley asks. I wake up from my seat to shake his arrogant hand. “Good evening Mr. Parker.” I say, trying and succeeding to look tranquil. He shakes my hand with a smile. In my head I have already planned his murder and even know the valley I am going to dump his body; I am ready to be haunted by him. Stanley smiles and sits me down. He leaves with Parker and I stay with Vivian. I guess this is what I should have expected anyway. The rich and powerful men exchange a few words about New Year plans for their businesses, and probably also discussing how they are going to fuck us. While we the ladies talk about having kids, marriage and exchanging recipes.

The usual hitting of a wine glass for the purpose of getting attention goes on. Its Stanley, and he is next to that man. “Honey please come closer.” He says. I walk towards him and he holds my hand.
“Tonight ladies and gents, I am proud to announce that Miss Katy Wilson has made me the happiest man alive.” The crowd claps, including the beautiful enemy and a lady in a black dress standing next to him. She looks beautiful, and also very down to earth. I see Parker holding her hand after they clap. Oh wow, really. Thats his wife. A red stone covers up to half of her finger. Part of me is happy that he is married and part of me wanted to see him suffer from never finding someone to love. Anyway, I am holding the rest of me in the palm of my hand so my life is complete.
“Let us toast to a new and happy beginning.” He looks at me, smiles and kisses my forehead. Everybody toasts to us and I am feeling like the most important person in the history of human on earth. We dance to soft music, moving on to some moving sounds and back to the classic. Its five minutes to twelve and everyone is in the hand of their partner waiting to count to ten and watch the fireworks in the sky. It will definitely be a night to remember. If I knew that tonight was about me I would have got a dress designed months ago, but who cares because I outdid them with just a dress in my closet. My closet would be big enough to accommodate a family of five. Talk about being well taken care of!

Its three months into the New Year and business looks good. The financial year starts in March and fortunately the business is financially booming, all thanks to good management.

For Vivian; her new love has changed her. She is glowing and even picking on some weight. She will be getting married in three weeks and as expected I am the maid of honor. Her wedding will be a three days event in a cruise ship. I couldnt think of anything better.
They bought a house in the ocean view earlier this year and I must say it is indeed a five star. I am very happy for her and Damien. Never did we ever think there would be a man that would respect her and love her for who she is. After all the men that have come and go, there was no hope.

We are officially living the life that every woman can only dream of.
My wedding follows just after Vivians honeymoon. I am not going to be one of those wives that wear a dress big enough to accommodate the whole grooms family. I go for something different and new. A dusty white with spaghetti strings and an off back dress. My mom almost chewed my head off when I said I wouldnt wear her wedding gloves to my wedding. I mean she got married more than thirty years ago, and poor Katy is expected to wear that dust. On the other hand my mother in law was quite polite when I refused to jump the broom. I am glad she did not cause a scene. Actually she responded quite ladylike to my refusal.
There is three gentlemen all dressed in white shirts and a touch of turquoise on their ties. The ladies have sky blue dresses and blue and green floral heels. It is a beach wedding so I wanted something to arouse the atmosphere.

There he is, staring straight into my eyes. His face is down turned and I dont see the usual dimpled smile. Instead he is frowning and as much as I hate to say this he is in tears. Just when I thought It wouldn’t get worse, he fails to even take my hand and look me in the eye. My father is standing here, waiting for this man to finish crying. Steve comes to him and hugs him tight while whispering some few words to his ears. He finally stops crying and wipes his tears. I thought this day was all about me, but hey…
He says his vows, and as much as he sounds practiced I can tell that he is speaking from heart. God what did I do to deserve such glory and blessings?
I didn’t come as prepared as he is but my vow to make him love life gives him a reason to smile. Another dime on my finger; this one is permanent and definitely expensive.
We walk out as everybody is dancing and clapping for Mr. and Mrs. Saunders. We get in a Cadillac that takes us home where the real fun and a lot of eating begin.

Today went well, he says tucking me close to his chest. All thats left is the Saunders and the cleaners. By Saunders I mean I am included. How can I forget; my parents were allocated a room on the third door to the left on the second floor. We are spending the next two weeks at the Saunders home residence for wife duty sake. My husband is well aware that I will not even touch the ironing board or the pots when we get back to our home, but we will just let the parents be convinced that I am a hardworking wife that wakes up at four before her husband to prepare breakfast for him and kiss his forehead before he departs to work. I must say, it truly feels like home here.
“I am glad everything was took place as planned.” I reply and turn to look at him. His fresh breath hits my face. I lift my head to reach to his lips. He caresses my tongue with his. This was supposed to be a good night kiss after a long day; but he picks me up and puts me on top of him. I sit with my legs wide open on top of his genitals and move in motion while kissing him and moaning softly. He grabs my hair in an aggressive yet seductive mannerism and kisses my neck. I feel him breath softly and his tongue moving slowly in my ear. Now I cant concentrate on both the pleasure Im experiencing. My pace on top of him slows down a bit when he puts me down and kisses me while slowly rubbing my tits. I stop moaning and before he could say anything I am long asleep. My hair is all over the place.
I wake up to him staring at me. “Why are you looking at me like that.” I ask as I tuck in the blanket under my pits. “I am just wondering what I did to be so blessed.” He replies while slowly brushing my hair with his fingers. I smile. “Who is going to make us breakfast?” I ask. I am starved to death. “You should have prepared breakfast remember?”
Oh my God not the wife duties today after such a rough night. I put my hand over my mouth and my eyes are wide open with astonishment. All thats in my mind is what will my in-laws think of me? I jump out of the bed and put on my night gown. He stops me before I could wear my slippers and tells me that his mom has made breakfast only because it was a long day for me yesterday. I sigh feeling relieved and lay on my back.

I haven’t had a big family breakfast -or dinner for that matter- in a very long time. in fact ever since I moved to Canada it has always been take-outs or pasta with Vivian. Talking about that one, I need to call her. I did not see her after I made my vow yesterday.
The food smells scrumptious down here. Thats a big ass table. I walk down before everyone else to help out with setting up plates and glasses. I find my mother in law singing  oh happy day. I guess it is indeed a happy day. “Good morning,” I say. She turns and puts her singing on pause for a moment. “Oh Good morning my daughter.” She doesnt stop wiping the already clean table. “You look happy today.”
“Oh why wouldn’t I be? Its a beautiful day, beautiful weather, beautiful daughter-in-law”. She smiles a bit. Now I know where Stanley got his dimples. She is such a darling mother-in-law. From what I’ve heard mother in laws are the last people to love you in your husbands family. Seriously I wouldn’t have tolerated a monster in law.
We are communicating very well and there are no awkward questions flying across the table; it seems everyone is concentrated on their meal and less on my background, which is how I prefer it to be.

We are back to the lavish home again and I guess we wont be for long hence we have a deluxe honeymoon to go to in two days. We decided on Hawaii for our one week away from the rest of the world. Its the best time to embrace being Mrs. Saunders. I must say that I beyond doubt appreciate being with this man. Its not the luxury I am living or the money and the over flowing closet. Its him. Its his presence and his love. Nothing has ever given me the reason to define love. Nobody has ever convinced me that it can ever be real and true and not ever have I been convinced that it even exists amongst the Milky Way. I could go on and on about my flaws when it comes to keeping a relationship going but I know love lives here. Distance, time, circumstance and financial stability are all just a matter of ordinary things in life. It doesn’t matter who you fall in love with, because love is inevitable. There is no specific time to know that you are finally living for two, love does not wait; it is not times fool. Love has no flaws or downfalls. It is perfect with its imperfections. It can be comparable to a moon that gives life to an otherwise dead sea; and falls with the light of day to bring light on the other side. I learned that love is not a matter of space and time it is a matter of what the heart really wants.

We leave Susan and Hyun to look after the house while we are away. Our flight takes longer than I expected and we only arrive our destination at midnight. It still seems like midday at the pools though. We are taken to our reservation by a well-spoken Mexican young man. We are too tired to embark on any activities right now and even if our bodies are responding; time is not on our side. I wake up to my husband staring at me like he is awaiting for me to wake up. His smile is like the sight of a blooming rose. “You know its wrong to stare Mr. Saunders.” I say as I lift my body up and lean on the soft cushions. He smiles further. “Even if its my beautiful wife who gives the moonlight something worth shining on?” he says. Well maybe we can make an exception.
Before he makes his move to trap me with his sexy body I make my way to the bathroom; but nothing stops him from continuing what he wanted to start in the bedroom in the bathroom. The cold water flows down my body in a soft pace. He just kisses me amorously while moving in motion between my legs. I enjoy every minute of it but if I don’t tame him we will be late for breakfast at the Three Towers.
I feel by the way he is so hard that he is in the minds to have me to himself the entire morning; well unfortunately we dont always get what we want. Its called Karma. We cross paths with the lady who is supposedly going to clean our suite and make sure that the telephone is working in case of emergency.

We head to the Three Towers which is said to be the five star for breakfast around here. It’s included in the program of the week that we should arrive on time for all the events and activities.

I have never eaten a three course meal for breakfast in my life and what we are being served here is above reproach. From here we change into swim wear and see our way to the beach. It is all fun and games until the water washes away my sunscreen and my skin sheds its original tan to a pale grey. This is when I insist we go back to our room until dinner for my skin to calm. I know I may be a little too much to handle sometimes but my husband sees no flaws in me and that is all I need. If you think I am a troublesome wife or maybe I ask for too much; well maybe you are right but as long as I know that my husband loves me with all that I am, I am happy. Our room is spotless, the smell of the chemical used to clean the floor reminds me of home. Not that I am getting homesick or already missing Hyuns fresh croissants and hot chocolate; no I could live like this.

It is dinner time and I almost cry my cheeks out when I read from the program that it is a formal gala dinner for honeymooners. I toss out all my dresses on the bed trying to choose the best for tonights dinner gathering. Stanley tugs me from behind when he sees that I am about to breakdown from not finding a dress to match what he will be wearing.
“I’ll take it”… he says when we hear a knock on the door. I hear some mumbling and dont even care to turn my back to see.
Just when I was ready to decide to choose from the dresses I brought along, Stanley blind folds me. I feel irritated at first until he tells me to calm down and that I will love what he has.

We arrive at the hotel just on time and as usual we are walked to our reserved seat. There is the longest table I have ever seen, every man with his wife and every wife with her longest heels. Without flaunting I must say I am the best dressed around here. Well everyone looks fairly beautiful, but what my man and I are wearing is incompatible. We sit and wait to be served. Just as we are served with the finest wine we hear some arguing at the entrance door. Seems like there is a couple that failed to be punctual. After a lot of quarrelling they are finally let in. the only seats available are in front of us so I assume they will sit here.
The gentleman sits his woman first and then he slowly sat himself. I dont even look at them a second longer. As far as I am concerned this week is for me to embrace and not waste time on anything or anyone else.
A few seconds later I hear my man greeting this man as if they have known each other for ages. You know the usual shaking of hands and calling each other by surname. I guess I am the one in the dark here because these men are bonding already. He introduces him to me.
“Jason meet my wife, Katy Saunders”. I pick my head up to look at this man to shake hands; and as fate would have it, I know him very well.
My mind rushes to my mouth and I blurt out his last name inadvertent.
“Parker!” Good Lord, not again!
Almost everyone on the table turns their head to look at this mad woman. His wife stands up looking as surprised as Stanley is at this moment. “You’ve met before?” she asks as if she is assuming that I am his long gone baby momma ready to claim for maintenance.
“Yes! he says tranquilly. We met at her wedding and also at the business dinner when Stanley told the board that he has been honored.” He says while looking at me with a slight smile.
“Oh yes! I remember you. You are Katy Wilson?” she asks.
Oh wow she knows my surname. “Saunders now, my husband says in point of correcting the mistake.” We laugh it off and get back to our seats. Stanley is pleased that we have company of people that we know to spend the night with. Every part of me regrets choosing Hawaii for our honeymoon, I would rather visit Antarctica right now than sit on a table alongside my ex-husband and his wife.
Honey, I have a headache, I think I will just go rest and you can stay. I say trying my best to look sick. These people just messed up my whole honeymoon before it could even start.
“What? Its time for dessert now, you can’t leave.” He says in a rather disappointed tone.
“I’m sorry my love but I really need to rest.”
“Okay, I will come with you then.”
I try to stop him but he insists on coming along. I will not try for another second to convince him to stay because that would be like asking a fish to stop swimming.
We wish the parkers good night and excuse ourselves for the night.

When we get to our room the first thing Stanley does is to call for room service but to his surprise the phone is not working. All thanks to me we call it a night, I dont even get some sugar tonight because I am sick according to his knowing.
I wake up to a bunch of flowers and a letter that says room service will bring my green tea to help with the headache. Okay maybe he is taking this too far. What is it going to be like when I am seriously sick or better yet pregnant?

On my way to the concierge I meet Parker on the hallway; apparently they are accommodated two doors away from us. I try to walk back to my room but it is too late. “Miss Wilson, he calls out.” Oh no he didnt! “Its Mrs. Saunders Jason!” I say correcting him and rolling my eyes at it. I know it’s rude to roll eyes but who cares what this dweeb thinks.
The elevator doors open and he asks me to go in first. This is going to be a long one week. He tries to make conversation about how I met Stanley but I put him in his place.
I’m surprised your parents let you marry him, or maybe is your marriage with him a secret too?
How dare he? I swear I am going to strangle this man with my hands and walk out of this elevator like nothing happened; Angelina Jolie does it in many movies and if she can I definitely can too.
“My marriage and my family has got absolutely nothing to do with you, I am here to have the time of my life with the man of my life; so if you don’t mind shove your two cent comment up your throat forever”. I was still going to say more but the lift doors opened and there are people waiting to come in. He stays behind after I tell him what he must know.
I fetch my green tea without any troubles and see my way back to our suite. I find Stanley sitting with his hand over his face. Something is not right. “Babe, I got the green tea” I say. He doesn’t say anything. “Baby are you okay? Whats going on? Is everything okay?” now I can feel my stomach turning. He lifts his head up and walks up to me and holds me closely. He kisses my forehead and says everything is going to be alright. I dont know what is going on but tears fall lazily out of my eyes and I drop the sachet of green tea from my hand. I hold him tight and just cry without making a sound, still not knowing what is going on, but I can feel inside me that something is not right.

A man comes with tools to fix the room service phone but we turn him away till further notice. We dont even go for todays honeymoon activity which is supposedly bungee jumping or hiking. All we do is cuddle all day and we just tell each other how much in love we are.


… chapter 5&6


I get inside the house and it is packed. My eyes wonder around for Stanley but I do not see him anywhere. Oh yes there is Steve, I walk right straight to him but a grown lady stops me as I try to blend in and says, “You must be Cathy.”
“Katy,” I respond, “Its Katy.” I force a smile. She blocks my way again, and insists that I go to the dinner table. Where the hell is Stanley? And if I may ask, do these people live here?
Oh thank God, he comes and rescues me. “Baby go upstairs and wear your favourite dress , and there are heels in the closet to match every colour dress.” This guy does not seize to amaze me. Wait no whats happening here? he doesn’t say anything. Okay I will deal with him twice when we are alone, thats if these people are ever going to leave. When I walk down, the whole room stares. It feels like a Cinderella moment. My full back dress with a half cut revealing my left leg and showing off my high heels. The old lady covers her mouth while smiling; everyone else is stunned by my appearance. I doubt they even recognized me from the time I entered to what I’ve done with myself. My hero comes once again and breaks the awkward silence. “This is my lady, Katy Wilson,” he holds me by the hand and leads me to the dinner table. Now the disorder has calmed. 

He has two male cousins; both are married and three female cousins all in serious businesses. This family is one of a kind. The noise makers are the four kids whose names I did not get to learn. Maybe when we are a family I will care to know but at this moment Im good.
As expected there are awkward silence moments but all thanks to his mom, she speaks a lot.
Asking me questions such as what work I do, my age; yes she asked my age and I had no idea what to say. I mean how could she? A lady never reveals her age. As far as Im concerned I will die twenty. Nothing else would have got me out of this situation besides telling my age in the presence of twelve strangers. I am so going to tell Vivian about my unplanned date with the Saunders.
They all depart in three different cars and hopefully I wont be meeting them any time soon.

I close the door and throw my heels aside. He already knows that I am about to chew his head off. What was that? I ask. He comes close to me unzipping my dress. I am losing my tongue. His hands have reached as far as my breasts. I say his name softly as he holds me submissively against the wall. I dont even remember feeling him take my dress off. He picks me up and presses his tongue against mine. Now I know I am over powered. I feel him get inside me. The walls of my vagina stretch forcefully, my mind is telling me to stop him, but I listen to my heart and what my body is feeling instead. A pain that I don’t want to stop. Its like pleasure and pain at the same time, and my mind is confused to the core. He is holding me by my hair pulling me towards him. I feel the sweat adjoining his body and mine. The way he moans gives me an orgasm. I no longer feel pain when he moves in motion inside me. He caresses my body, moving me from one angle to another. I dont stop moving on top of him. My eyes are smaller than usual, I feel it. I am so damn tired right now.

I dont wake up to a boutique this morning. In fact we drive to my place for clothes to wear at work and then to the work premises. I guess this is how they treat us once they devour the cookie. I dont say a word about last night; instead I keep updating him about the last few meetings we have with the board for the year.
We finally arrive at the office and as expected work mode is on. I have made peace with being the boss’s girlfriend. Its even better now that I know his family. His mother is quite a bubbly character and his nephews and nieces are just a handful of troublemakers, but besides the flaws I think we would get along just right.
He asks me to move in with him. I think its too soon. Vivian doesn’t want me to leave our place for good, but in conclusion she advices me to actually move in with him if its what I want.
I am not sure if its what I want just yet but then I won’t question what my heart is telling me to do right now.

We have been dating for six months and he has not seen my family, while on the other hand Ive been to dinner and lunches with his whole family for more than I can remember. I expected everyone to despise me because of the color of my skin but they actually love me. I dont know what my family will think of me dating a black guy, not just dating but actually in love with a black guy. Christmas is in two weeks and I have to introduce my boyfriend to my parents. How they take it will be their problem, I love the Saunders and I wont leave him over some racial feud. I’ve always know that my mother is racist but I couldnt make out why, my dad on the other hand could accommodate a whole rainbow nation in his yard.
I arrive in a new school Cadillac this time. I am not planning to sleep over so I just leave our suitcases in the car trunk.
There is nobody in the house so we let ourselves in. old boy Troy is not in his house so I assume he’s dead. There is no blanket nor dog food that smells more like rabies, thank God he is dead.
“Baby,” he says as he holds me by my waist “You sure your parents wont have a problem with us just barging in?”. He keeps on kissing me in a way that will not lead to sex it is his in-laws house after all. “No baby, they wouldn’t want their only daughter to be stuck outside, see, I still have the spare keys.” I kiss him and go to my room. Nothing has changed. My beige covers are still bright, the floor is still neatly tiled and my wall paper still has Troys faint fingerprints. Speak of the devil. I see Troy barking at our car, where in hell is this dog coming from.
I hear my mom scream in the kitchen.
“Negros” she screams, “Negros in my house.” She screams chokingly. Okay, I knew that she is racist but I was definitely not expecting this reaction.
“Mom, he’s with me. I could read the confusion off his face. Oh no, hes got my daughter,” she runs out leaving her walking stick behind. I always knew she could walk, not to mention run.
My father comes in; I have Stanleys arms around mine so he sees that he means no harm.

“Hello young man,”he smiles slightly. Knowing him he already knows what is going on. He lets out his unapologetic smile and shakes my dads hand. “Please take a seat while I go fetch my wife.”
She gives Stanley a frightened look and tugs her purse close to her. If only she knew that this man is my boss.
My father does the honors and asks Stanley and I to take a seat, he also calls my mom in. I have never been this embarrassed in my life. I do not know what I am going to say to him later, but I just hope that my father will be welcoming enough for him to forget my mothers reaction. I know I wouldn’t forget this woman if she did this to me.
There is no coffee, tea or even water on the table and I am not about to go to the kitchen; my mother should be gentle enough to fix us something to drink. As fate would have it there is no apple crumble or chocolate mousse today; as though she knew we would be here and she wouldn’t want a black man to even drink from her glass. I am the only daughter and as an heir I should bare them grandchildren, but with her being a white woman she might not even live to tell the tale.
My father floods him with very awkward questions such as when are we going to give him grandchildren. Yet I can see my mother tucking her own arms at the corner of the table. I could read disapproval off her face. Stanley smiles before answering any questions that my mother asks. A brown lady in a black and white robe comes and serves us with hot chocolate and fresh biscuits. To make things less awkward I grab a saucer and put two biscuits for Stanley, the rest can see what they do. Wait; who is this?
“Thanks Susan. Please check if Troy has eaten his meal.” My dad says as he pours the hot chocolate for my mother. How convenient of my mother to hire a black South African as her housekeeper. Oh yes I am sure she did the hiring and my poor dad does the paying.
“So son what do you do?” my dad asks.
His lips seeps out of the cup, he wipes the tip of his upper lip diligently with his tongue and gently puts down the cup. He looks at me, then at my dad.
I work at a media company. Actually I run it along with my brother; he is CEO and as the younger twin I am the COO. My mom raises her head and looks at the man. I see her eyes scanning from the wrist watch, to the tuxedo, to the way he is wearing his hair. Its like she is saying the only problem is the color of your skin.
We depart to the Five Star in Sandton; I am sure Stanley has no intentions to go back there. When we arrive at the hotel he does not even mention anything about my mother, I do mention that my dad loves him for the sake of outshining my mothers meanness towards him; and calling him a Negro.
After having dinner we see our way to room and I am exhausted, the only thing I need right now is to sleep. We head for the bathroom first. The luxury in here is worth staring. Just when I am ready to leave the sweet sensation bubble bath he comes in. “I am just about to leave so you can have the tub to yourself.” I say as I wrap myself up in a white towel. My body is still wet and so is my hair. He unwraps the towel from my body and before I know it heated water is travelling down my body while my tongue is buried in his lips. He holds my hands against the translucent shower doors. His body is so close to mine. I feel him get hard between my legs. I try to escape my hands because the way he is handling me is anything but comfortable, but I dont want him to stop. There is a knock on the door for not more than a minute and we are in the middle of something so we dont even think of who is going to open up. He finally lets goes of my hands and holds my waste in position that he gets inside me. My finger nails are digging deep into his back. Just when I thought it was over we head to the bedroom. He doesnt put his body on top of mine this time. He opens my legs wide and his tongue travel softly from my areola down my belly button until he reaches the clitoris. His tongue rubs softly in there; I fail to even hold him back. I am moaning so heavily and deeply, he doesnt stop. He goes deeper and tougher. My claws dig into the white covers; my legs are wrapped around his head and I am starting to lose myself.


My parents refuse to come to Canada with us for Christmas; no actually it is my mom who refused. I sleep on our way to Canada while the man is up clicking on his laptop the whole time. I wake up with my hair messed up; a fresh face Canadian offers us a drink. “Coffee please, with a tablespoon of sugar.” I say as I stretch my way to victory. “A bottle of Scotch please.” He says with his laptop still on active mode. A bottle? I ask rhetorically. He doesnt answer. My coffee comes but not his Scotch. The air attendance did explain that  one cannot consume alcoholic beverages while flying. He hasn’t said a word since we departed. “Baby,” I close the laptop to get his attention. “I am busy,” he replies aggressively. Oh no he didndi! I lay back and sip on my coffee, hoping that he will apologize for the stunt he just pulled; but no. Not a sign of guilt in his face. Now I know I am about to show him the crazy Katy Wilson.

The house is gleaming as usual; I head to the bedroom and lock myself in since he is too busy to talk to me anyway. I hear a knock on the door; I open and leave with my suitcase. All the dresses he bought for me are in the closet along with the heels. “Where are you going?” he asks. “I am going to get busy with the people who care to talk to me.” I say, not even turning back to look at him. I throw my bags in the boot and get behind the steering wheel. I see him looking at me from the second window that’s in line with the parking area. He doesnt even care to stop me. I drive away leaving the house as cold as it was before I got here. My eyes are flooding with tears. I cant even control myself; the tears are just rolling to my lips. I feel like my face is being steamed in boiling water. If this is how the rest of my life is going to be then he can forget he ever chased me into that bus. There is a car parked next to Vivians outside our apartment. Its only fair to say I still own a share here since she still demands me to pay rent.

I battle to find the house keys, so I knock until she comes to the door. My knock is like the FBIs when they are ready to assume crime investigation at a setting. “Geez I’m coming, I am coming.” She says hastily. “Oh my God, girl what wrong with you?” she asks at the sight of seeing me so miserable. I dont answer I just head to the sitting room and cry my lungs out. While I am explaining my petty fight to Vivian a young man approaches us with coffee. He is a fair manly height, with wide shoulders, soft brown shaded spiral hair and a complexion like whipped caramel. His nose and cheekbones are too small for him to be called handsome yet cute would sound a bit too fair for his age. His smile is wide and warm and his eyes are a deep light brown. I wonder where Vivian found this one. His legs are thick, hairy and strong and his lips are like fresh strawberry cream. “Thank you.” I say as I take the coffee from him.
“Thanks baby, Ill be with you in a minute.” Vivian says.
“I dont know what I did or maybe said. One minute we were making love the next he…” I cry out before I could finish my sentence.
“Maybe you didnt give it to him good.” She says laughingly. We laugh it off. For a minute I forget that I will have to face this man every day at work. “Baby, I will have to call you later I have to go.” He says. “Oh okay baby.” Vivian walks up to him and fixes his tie. They kiss. “I will see you later babe.” She says. “I love you,” he winks and kisses her forehead.

I look at her ever fixed smile with a lot of questions that she could read off my face.
“Okay, that is my man,” she says with her rolling black American accent.
“We met at a business gala dinner, I was sitting in for Johnsons enterprise and he was there under the management of the shipping industry. He owns cruise ships and is a shareholder at the international MSC shipping for exports and imports.” She is blushing at every word she says. She is so exuberant, I could judge by her smile and she is glowing.
*Wow friend I am so happy for you.” I say. “Thank you. I finally found the one. He makes me want to change myself you know.” She says with a wide smile on her face.

Everything feels different at the office. I feel like everyone is looking at me when I enter the premises. The only message at reception is that Mr. Saunders wants to see me as soon as I clock in.
I make my way to the office. I find him sitting with his feet on the desk, staring at the desk top and his arms are on top of his head. He sits nicely when I am in front of him. “I see you broke the record with the door-to-door statistics about woman and children violence. We give all our workers a reward for good work.” He says, as though nothing is going on between us. “Thank you, you dont have to reward me I was just doing my job.” I say and grab the two golden tickets to Abu Dhabi. Quite a reward I must say. “Katy he says. Why didnt you tell me?” he asks just when I was opening the door. “Tell you what?” I ask mystified. “Your dad, he blurted out that you were once married.” He says. I could read the rage off his face. How could my dad make such a terrible blunder? I am out of words at this moment. I could do with a bottle of Remy Martin. “I was going to tell you.” I hold back my tears vehemently; I am not about to let my emotions take over me right now. I rather burst an artery and have a stroke or choke from my own saliva and just die, than cry in the presence of this man. “When?” He shouts heatedly. He does not smile even for a bit. Not even those sarcastic giggles; that actually means I am about to murder your ass. I keep quiet, feeling over powered in the flesh. Where do I start explaining him what happened to my marriage five years ago?

“I was married to a Black man some five years ago and our marriage was ecstasy until I introduced him to my parents. Yes; we were married for four years and he had not met my parents. Parker was the only true definition of love I have ever had and I knew that telling my parents would jeopardize what we had. He was my joy and every minute I spent with him gave me more the reason to live. On our fourth year of marriage I decided that it is best I let my parents know.”

I just I get tongue tied again. “I never thought it is necessary for you to know.” I add. Okay maybe I shouldn’t have said that last piece cause now he is looking at me like he is about to throw me out through the ventilator. “Necessary?” he throws in that sarcastic giggle, at least theres a little change in emotion; I hate it when he is neutral. “You telling me that it wasn’t necessary?” he stands from his wheeled boss man chair. “Is that why you didn’t tell me that your mother is racist?” he says. Oh now he is getting out of hand! *What have my parents got to do with this?” I say, moving closer to him, in readiness to strike and attack. “They have got everything,” he emphasizes the everything and adds; “everything to do with this.” Now he is standing opposite me, furious as ever. I am trying to act strong, and astoundingly I do not fear that he is going to lay a hand on me. All that I fear is another Jason Parker stunt. He calms down, not because he has actually calmed, no, I can just see that he has noticed that my feet are cold. He is shaking. Its the fury. I try to walk over to him, but he stops me at the first step. My eyeballs are swimming in tears. I walk out of the office with the reward tickets almost escaping the tip of my fingers. I rush to my office and close the blinders on all transparent windows. In my mind I already know that the staff knows there is something wrong. I cry my mind out. My heart feels impotent as ever, I cannot even stand on my two feet hence my knees deprive me to do so.

Its the season to be jolly; and my forest is dark the trees are sad and all the butterflies have broken wings. I have hit rock bottom with the Saunders and the last thing I will do is to apologize for something I don’t know. Well he has called me a couple of times and left a one or two messages, by that I mean my inbox needs spring cleaning. Vivian and I take out our best cook books for the best recipes. It is going to be a feast to remember. We will eat until we sleep on the food. The Christmas tree is touching the ceiling and there are more gifts than there are people in the house. Part of me misses Stanley, but if he is going to treat me like I dont mean anything to him; then I will treat him like a dead man. Damien comes before time for lunch to help with the cooking such a gentleman. They keep on kissing each other here. I guess its the consequences of being under same roof with lovers. Christmas eve is beautiful and I dont think I will miss Stanley that much tomorrow.
My phone has been ringing off the hook and I guess its about time I pick up.
“Stanley” I say. The couple leaves the room to give us privacy.
We havent spoken after what happened at the office some days ago, so I guess I am willing to hear what he has to say.
“Katy I am sorry baby, please come back home with me.” He says. I really want to go with him but I cant be treated like I am desperate. Wait did he say with me?
Don’t tell me he is… Oh my God hes here. Is that? Is that the bus I was in a few months ago when he followed me here? I take off my apron with the phone still on my ear. I see him put the phone down and come towards me like he is walking on egg shells. “Baby Im sorry, please come…” before he could finish off his sentence I am already hugging him like a child holding onto a teddy bear. He lets goes off me, I guess its because all the passengers in the bus are staring at us. He looks at me in the eyes and says that he loves me with all of him. I just break down and cry while laughing at the same time, and respond I love you too.
Vivian and her captain are looking at a live scene of a love movie from the kitchen window. Stanley holds my hand gently, and abruptly I see him going down on one knee. His other hand reaches into his pocket and he opens a small maroon Pandora box. A luminous stone surrounded by a silver metal stares right back at me. Oh my, he finally says Miss Wilson, would you do me the honors and be my wife. There goes the dimples again. Before I could say yes, my mother and father jump off the bus, their suitcases being dragged by some man I dont care to know. Now I dont know if I should hug him or run to my mom and dad. I cannot even feel my tears rolling down my cheeks now, my face is numb.
Everyone in the bus including the driver claps ecstatically, like they are seeing a broken family reunite. I really couldnt imagine my Christmas without my love and my parents.
I look back at him and say yes with tears rolling down to my lips. My mother comes and hugs me tight. Everyone around is wiping tears and smiling. This moment feels like royalty.
My darling I just want you to know that love is not love that alters when alteration finds, or bends with the bender to remove. Love is an ever fixed mark and is never shaken. She says. Her voice is hoarse and her vocals are tired. Thank you mom!

…chapter 3&4

I Skype with my mom for almost thirthy minutes and every time she asks me when am I coming home, I feel guilty. Cause I’m not planing on a plane ticket to Gauteng any time soon.
My dad is cool as usual. “So you still haven’t found someone to make me grandchildren with there?” He asks laughingly but serious. I could sense the seriousness. “Dad. I’m here to work not get married.” I say. At the back of my mind is the handsome Saunders I’ve been going out with. We not dating -at least not yet.
“We’re not getting any younger my child we need to have grand babies to look after while you are working.” My mother says. “How’s old boy Troy?”
Troy is our dog. My father bought it for me when I was leaving for Canada. More like a reminder of me. But how could they buy a dog to remind them of me -uurgh I don’t wanna get old.
I spend my weekends outdoors now that I’m doing what I’m called for. Canadians can be so difficult sometimes, and with regards to communicating the media updates they prefer…
My weekend is totally hectic, but I guess its worth it. I don’t even travel around in my own car cause the company provides everything -including money for sleeping at motels if I work till it’s too late to drive back.

Somebody finally grows a pair to ask me to be his girlfriend but he does it in a totally absurd way. By absurd I mean he just said “So do you love me?” I will show this guy  the colour of snakes teeth today!!!
What does he take me for? I’m not going I calm down this time nor ignore his attempt to buy me with his expensive cars, roses, perfumes. What’s next? A lingerie.
You know men are all the same. Or shall I say they have a mindset that grows from one seed.
“It doesn’t have to be a debate you know.” He says when he reads off my face that I am ready to jugular attack him. “What do you mean it doesn’t have to be a debate. I’m not making it a debate. No never.” I say and I look back at my notes. “So you saying that you do love me?” He asks, calm as fuck.
“I am saying that you are not going to buy me into loving you with material things. Loving someone is one thing but being in love with someone is a totally different thing.” I pause. Oh no I am not done. Not even close. I put my notes aside.
“You men need to understand what lies behind a woman’s smile,her figure, her goals and aspirations. You need to learn her emotional background and how she feels about being with a man…” I stop before I snap. This could end badly. The one thing that’s sneaking it’s way into my nerves is that he thinks that gifts mean ‘I love you’ Jesus!

We head to the ice cream palace after a blessed church service. We take my car this time around. Its my way of paying back Vivian her gas for the day she drove me to work when I woke up late. I think she’s making me pay for existing now, cause I’ve been replacing her gas for the past four months.
Okay so since the day I put Stanley in his place I’ve been avoiding eye contact with him. He tends to be very quiet after I roast the hell out of him. Its been four days and I haven’t heard from him – not that I’m expecting to hear from him. He’s probably still gathering his courage to face me again. Or maybe not. Maybe he’s moved on.

I’ve missed my girls night out and tonight is the night. I put on my open back black dress not anything longer than the knee. Heels are black this time, and Vivian, well she’s slaying; that’s all I can say when it comes to her. I order a chocolate cake  with freshly whipped cream and strawberries. That’s me and Vivian, we never eat real food when we outdoors. The streets are never empty around here, no matter what time of the day or night it may be.

Shit! Vivi I thought you handled the gas. I say. My tank is empty and this beast may stop at any second. That wasnt even a second. Now we are stuck in the middle of a road downtown.
Its not my fault that the guy at the gas station was flirting with me. I thought I loaded the gas. Her voice is so squeaky when she shouts. I need to get home now; I have a presentation to prepare for.
The same one you’ve been preparing for before you even thought you’d work at the Saunders? okay her sarcasm game is whack. Oh my God we are not going to make it out here.
Speaking about the Saunders, I know somebody who might be willing to help us. She gives me the eye. Who? Speak. She just stares at me.
No tell me you not… What are you crazy? damn this girl is totally out of her mind. I would never in a million years ask Stanley to help me with such thing, especially now that we dont talk anymore. Actually I dont talk to him.
You know this road is the road never taken right? Nobody is going to find us here.
Okay then.
So you going to call him? her heels are on her hands right now.
No, we are going to walk honey, you brought this to yourself.
That one is not going to happen. I rather be eaten by the elephants around here.
Elephants are herbivores. I roll my eyes.
Thats not the point; the point is I dont have an ice cubes chance in hell to survive out here.
Lights… there are car lights approaching this way. We point our thumbs up for the car to stop.
Oh no! Its him. I am totally frozen at this moment. I so wish I could dig my own grave right now.
Katy. Its your man. Yes finally.
This bitch is already in the car. He jumps off and begs me to get in the car. What No I am not about to. It is really cold out her and I wont lie I am dying to get in the front. Vivian is looking at me like the stupid nerd that won’t say yes to going to prom with the coolest guy in the school. Suddenly the tow vehicle takes my car. Now I have no choice but to get into that car.

Your car will be at the office by Monday. He says as he walks me to the door. He walks away before I could say anything. “Stanley”, I shout. He pauses to hear what I have to say. I hate apologizing or saying thank you to him, but at this moment it seems thanks you is the only thing I can say after being quiet the whole 5km drive here. Thank you.
He smiles. As much as I hate to say, I did miss his smile.
“Any time.” He replies and walks back to his car.

I take the bus to work today, I will meet my car at work and I will be able to refill it with enough gas for three days.
There is a letter for you Miss Wilson. The Korean lady at reception says as she hands me a pink envelope. I head to my office. Actually I will work outdoors today for the sake of avoiding calls from the Saunders. Okay work is challenging as usual but I prefer it ten times more than sitting my ass on that leather wheeled chair. I bump into the car delivery guy just before I head back to office to fetch my belongings. Thank God, my car and it has been filled with gas. Okay I guess the benefit is mutual when it comes to these towing companies.
Oh, the envelope. I need to read the letter in the envelope. Actually it can wait, I cannot be reading while driving; we dont want my car to be towed again now do we. We order pizza and sleep it off.

It has been so long since I have been to Sandton and I must say this place will always own a part of me. My parents are exuberant to see me but they would have been happier if I came home with a diamond stone around my finger. Old boy Troy is ,well, old. I never liked dogs in general but I had to pretend to be happy when they bought me this barking thing. I hate it when he drools.
My mother has aged, my dad has not aged as I would expect. Its the benefits of exercise.
I hesitate to tell them about the promotion. Three days is enough and so now I have to fly back to Canada.
Can somebody kill this dog already?

The pink envelope, its been over a month. Let me just read it.

Dear Miss Wilson
I know I am the last person you want to hear from, but I can no longer bottle up my feelings. You wont answer my calls so I thought a letter would be the only way I could get you to at least hear what I have to say, even if you do not reply.
I am not about to deliver a speech about love at first sight, or define true love to you. I’ll just shoot straight to the point.

Your square jaw line, your pale indigo eyes the sight of you is what gets me. I wish I could say you are a respectful lady but respect doesn’t cover it since I havent been graced with such. I must say, your presence brings out the best in me. I love seeing young ladies rise up and shaping their own lives independently, I love what you have become even though I am not familiar with your background.
What I am trying to say here is that I love you. Actually I have fallen in love with you. Your temper, your attitude and your rare smile.
Please allow me to take you out, on a proper date.


Oh my God I cant believe this. How am I going to face him at the boardroom when he is possibly convinced that I threw away his letter? But who sends a pink envelope.
If I show Vivian she will bite my head off and I doubt she’ll spit it out.

My desk phone rings.
Miss Wilson; in my office now.
Owwkay I have no idea what I have done wrong but anyway.
“Mr. Saunders” I say ready to defend myself in case this is about the letter, but I doubt it could be it. He turns his desktop to me. What is this? I look closer but I dont see anything wrong.
What is what? I ask. He gets up from his chair. You composed incorrect data from my biggest client he says. I have never seen him so frustrated
Which lead to the incorrect information being published in the magazines. Now companies are buzzing around me about this.
I did? I really want to ask him if he is sure the information is incorrect but I wouldn’t want a warning letter.
I stutter. I…I am sorry I might have made a mistake in my typing.
Damn right you did, and this mistake is going to cost me the media at my door every second every minute.
It wasnt a minute later that the front desk Korean came with a message that News24 is at the gate.
What have I done? The other Saunders comes in the office and asks me to leave the office. He seems to be able to bottle in his anger.
I hear them discussing me. This is definitely not going to end on a good note.
They send media management to take care of the problem outside and I dont get a warning letter. At least I know I am safe. I do get lectures and disappointment emails from the board members.

Firstly I said thank you to Stanley for driving me home when I was stuck and now I have to apologize. Is this what my life is going to be like around here?
Working here will be the death of me.
Vivian creeps in my room with hot chocolate when she realizes I am not myself. She always finds a way to make me feel better.
Honey maybe you should just go out with him, we both know that you love him.
Now she is talking nonsense. I dont think he even remembers that he sent this letter. You should have seen him today. I am so drained; I dont want to go back to the office tomorrow. If I dont I will seem weak and vulnerable. I guess I will just have to face the music.
Maybe you should call me and find out if he is actually mad at you. She hands me the phone. For the first time I actually take her advice.
Stanley I say.
Miss Wilson
No I cant do this. I drop the phone. What the hell are you doing? Vivian shouts at me.
V I cant.
Here is one thing you need to learn. You are one lucky girl, this man has never been married nor had kids in his life. I doubt he’s ever loved. If you are going to judge all men by the one man that broke your heart honey you are going to live a sad lonely life. Men are not all the same, men are made and women are created so they need us more than we need them; but that doesnt mean that we dont need them. Every woman dreams to have a man like Stanley so if you are going to play hard to get and keep on with your hot head you are going to be miserable for the rest of your life. A ring in my phone stops her from the sermon she is giving me.
Its him.
Answer it girl. She rolls her tongue.

“Hi I dont know if I cut the call or you did.”
“My connection is very bad.” I say defensive.
“Okay. What did you want to say?”
“I found your letter.”
Miss Wilson?
“I read it and I will go on a date with you.”
Okay that went well. Come to think about it, Vivian actually has her mature moments.

He doesn’t bring flowers this time, nor book the whole restaurant. Actually he does something totally different. A picnic. He looks so different with simple three quarter shorts and a golf shirt. At least I didnt go overboard with my spring floral dress and white heels. We arrive at the park and I we are not the only couple.
Did I just say couple? Okay moving on, there is an expensive bottle of wine and two one legged glasses on the side. There are also fresh strawberries in the basket. For the first time we actually lose ourselves in the moment of laughter. This is the best time I have ever spent since Ive been here.
After all the fun at the park, playing tennis, cards and pool at the pub we head to a Spanish food restaurant. Here we get a little serious.
I love you, he says. I almost choke on my drink. Coughing repeatedly until I finally feel relief in my throat. I think the drink went down the wrong pipe when I heard that.
I look at him; he is smiling and looking directly at me too. Should I say thank you? No actually I would hate myself for that, and Vivian would kill me twice.
I love you too. I say. That one is exactly from the aorta of my heart.
He looks at me with his deep angel eyes and holds my hand. This is the best decision I can ever make regarding him. I can feel it.

I can already imagine what its going to be like at the office and boardroom meetings.
Vivian is more excited about it than I am. We have been leaving the house empty almost every night, she is seeing a cute Caucasian guy that she met God knows where.
At the office things are not bad; I guess he can spur his personal life from business.
I have been complimented for my work well done at the news room and my presentations during board meetings. I love the vibe between me and Stanley at the office, simply because we dont confuse business and pleasure. I am glowing. Its the money and exuberance. I have been dating Stanley for three weeks and the only family of his that I know is Steve, my boss. We went out for lunch once and I must say they are two different people. Stanley is one that enjoys a challenge, he actually calls for it. And Steve on the other hand cannot even last an argument.
They appear together on every magazine published, even if the article is based on the companys downfalls. Its like a mirror reflection of one to make the other.

Shopping has become part of my schedule; Vivian insisted that I change my serious wardrobe to something that says Im in my thirties. I still keep my tight fitting color coded dresses just for control. I have covered clothes for all seasons.

Where are you taking me? I ask. We have been driving for the past hour and he still hasnt told me where we are going. Somewhere you will love.
At least I am not blind folded, so I will be able to give a statement as to where I was nearly slaughtered by my charming boyfriend who turned out to be a serial killer. We finally arrive. I have never seen this place in my entire years of living and it is so beautiful.
There are lanes of beautifully woven, sewn and crotched dresses, all in different colours and sizes.
He lets go of my hand and tells me to pick the best dress.
There is so much to choose from and if I tell you I know which one I want from these I would be telling a naked lie.

Turquoise, teal, indigo, burgundy, peach black. I could go on the whole day. These dresses are ravishing. I almost cry, actually I do cry. He tugs me close to him and kisses my forehead. The customer assistant lady follows me to the sales person to make payments. I was supposed to take one dress but the temptation lead me to taking almost the whole store. There is one tight fitting dress but the rest correspond to my new wardrobe. 4

I wake up to a Korean lady asking me if I would like to order breakfast. There is a bunch of flowers next to me, actually the whole bouquet. Where am i? I whisper to myself. My hair is all over.
I am even in a sleeping gown. Oh my God. Did I ? I grab my phone to call Stanley and order fresh croissants with bacon and Italian cheese while I wait for Stanley to pick up. Coming right up maam. She departs.
Morning Miss Wilson. He says. I can imagine that he is smiling.
Who do you live with here? I say as I walk down the steps.
With you. He says. I laugh. Oh please. Your mansion is beautiful. I dont want to even ask how I got here not to mention who dressed me in this sleeping robe fit for a queen.
The house is spotless, but there is two more Korean ladies at the sitting room scrubbing the thick coffee table glass. If I take a tour alone around here, I will need GPS to go back to the room I was sleeping in. The flowers are beautiful, thank you. I have made peace with saying thank you to him because it seems I will be saying it for the rest of my life.
Not more beautiful than you. I smile. My breakfast is served hot and fresh. I could definitely live like this. My phone rings. Oh my God why am I not surprised?
Morning roomy. I say as I sip on the heavenly Jacobs Kronung coffee. Everything around here is perfection.
“Girl where in the devils dome are you?” She asks. Im around I say. She keeps quiet. V are you still there? I ask. I am here and Im not going anywhere until you tell me what I want to hear. She says. First of all I dont know what you want to hear and secondly we did not have sex yet. I say smilingly. We chit chat for a while and finally we are on the same page. Phone calls with her are always the best.

You must be special. The oldest Korean says. I turn to look at her, I definitely want to hear this one. How do you mean? I ask brushing my hair backwards.
We have worked for sir for the past four years, and we always thought he is ge She says.
You mean gay? oh my God I dont believe this one. You are a special lady ma’am. She says and walks away. You can call me Katy, I say as she takes a turn.
I call my man again just to know if I am not needed in the office today.
Miss me already? he says. Oh well I do miss him but I am not about to confess
“Maybe” I pause, but thats not why I called you. Do you need me at the office?
“A woman who puts her work first, I like that”, he giggles. No its not too busy today, I will be back soon.
What does he mean he will be back soon? Are we living together now? Not that I mind but I would like if he lets me know when he makes decisions, Isn’t thats how relationships work? Ill deal with him when he gets home.
With the help of GPS I drive to the nearest coffee shop to meet with Vivian for lunch. I am prepared to dish out exactly how my weekend has been.
Girlfriend, she waves her hand up for my attention. I hang my coat on the hangers near the entrance and walk right straight to her. A fresh face, well built gentleman comes up to us to take our orders. Vivian is looking at the most expensive meals on the menu; even if its a Cobra she will order it as long as I am paying. I order a glass of spring water and a Greek salad.
You are going to tell me each and every detail, including how many times you went to the toilet. She says, we laugh it off. I tell her everything from me leaving office to go for lunch but end up in a five star boutique. I would love to tell her how I got to the residence but I woke up the next day on Presles bedding and the most expensive bunch of roses besides me. I dont know if he has a thing for roses or he thinks that I do. Well I didnt at first but I do now.

The bill arrives and its three hundred and twenty dollars. I know she can do better that that but I am glad she didnt. When I arrive in the house he is already there and it seems that his brother is here too because there is two cars outside. Wait there are two other cars in the garage and a lot of noise is coming from the house. I call him before I enter the house for safety reasons but with my luck he does not answer.

It’s a warm morning so I wear my usual gym clothes along with earphones. Playing music this time around. Without the need for a water bottle I do almost five km accompanied by nothing but the doves.
I see him stretching his lower body and I run as fast as possible. What the hell is he chasing me. Oh my God he is.
“Why are you following me?” I stop and turn at him.
“You look beautiful without your glasses.” He says. I stare at him raw.
“No I don’t mean you don’t look beautiful with your glasses on, I just mean…” He breaths heavy. ” you look more beautiful without them. You know you look more of a sexy office lady with them on.” He smiles. I’m still not showing any signs of comfort around him.
“How do you know my name. No actually never mind I don’t want to know.” I put on my earphones and run off.
“You do know I would have called you already if I wanted to.” He says. “Are you going to stop following me?”
“No.” He says.
Well at least he’s honest… No who am I kidding, every guy would have said the same thing. “Okay so why haven’t you called me?” I ask and soon regret it afterwards.
“Oh so you do want me to call you but just won’t admit it?”
“That is not what I’m asking.”
God please don’t make me stutter at this moment.
“So what are you asking?” He says. “I’m asking you to leave me alone.” But I don’t run away this time. I just stare at him and observe. “You really want me to leave you alone hey?” He puts his hands on his hip bone, “give me your number first.” Oh my God take me now.


Today I see him heading to the office. Its been three days but he hasn’t called me. I don’t know if I should be happy or unhappy. Actually I should forget about him. I focus on my work. I head home, reading my book in the bus as usual. Still no call. No rain today so no Porsche. Okay. Life is back to normal now. I have a few more month till my contract expires at Saunders holdings. Speaking about Saunders holdings I have been thinking of doing research about my bosses.

“You know I had no idea that I work for two men whom are more or less my age.” I say to Vivi as I dip on my chocolate favoured ice cream. She does not seem interested in whatever I have to say. Well at least she cooperated.
“Yes. Stevey and Stanley.” She says rolling her eyes in flirtatious manner. “You mean Steve?” I ask rhetorically. “Oh please. Let me live a little. I’ve always thought they are gay you know.” She dips on the ice cream tub with her index finger and sucks it. This girl can be so disgusting sometimes.
“You know they are very similar, so you might have a problem identifying your boyfriend.”
“What… He’s not my boyfriend.” I hit her with a pillow. “What… Don’t act like you don’t like him.”
“I think I should go to bed.” I put on my pair of pink slipers and head to my bedroom.
“Now that’s a sign that you don’t just like him… You in love with him”
I ignore whatever she has to say. My contract at Saunders will be over in six months anyway , so I think I can deal with a few more months of pain in the ass. Maybe it won’t last. Hopefully.
“Miss Wilson. I’ve never had the chance to introduce myself to you.” He lets out his hand to shake mine. What’s going on here. I mean this guy chased a bus just to sit besides me and annoy me.. Not to mention that I’ve been in his car, but now he’s acting like he’s never seen me.
I shake his hand back and smile slightly. At least he didn’t say he wants a hug cause handshake are for females. “Mr. Saunders. Founder and CEO of this….” He pauses as he looks around the clear beige and white, spotless offices and adds “company along with my brother.” I smile and tell him how delighted I am to work here and finally he walks up to his office. After a minute of my head bowed down while I’m typing all the meeting schedules for all board members, another brown skin enters. What the hell. Didn’t this guy just come in. I beg to differ. “Miss Wilson he shouts.” Oh that’s Stanley. I could feel it in the air. “Mr. Saunders just went up to his office in case you wondering.” I hardly look straight in his eyes. “No. I am not looking for him. I’m looking for you.” What in hell is going on here. This guy has had my number for over four days but he hasn’t called, and he has the audacity to tell me he’s been looking for me. Somebody tame me please. “I’m here. I work here.”
His dimples are just breathtaking. His twin’s weren’t so charming yet they are exactly the same. “Let me take you out for dinner.” I don’t say anything. He smiles. He’s always smiling. I’m sure I can resist him though. But what if I can’t.
“I have work to do.” I say, trying to brush him off. “Of course. I do too. But I’ll be knocking off at 4pm which gives me enough time to book a table for two for 7pm.” I give him a look that says fine, by don’t say it. Seem like he read it off my face. “See you at 7pm then” he walks up the staircase.

My bed is over flowing of all the dresses I own and Vivian’s too. She thinks I should wear one of her skanky dresses to dinner, but I definitely don’t want to give this guy the wrong idea. He doesn’t strike me as that type though, but I’m smart enough to know not to judge a book by its cover. I end up wearing my knee length black dress with open back, and the heels have to be at least 5 inches like usual.
Just when I thought I would have to wait for a taxi. There he is with a powder purple tuxedo. He’s standing next to a black Mercedes like he’s going to fetch the president of America. I haven’t changed my mind about not wanting to be bosses girlfriend. Or even wife. Oh my God am I already making wedding plans at this moment?
“Wow!” He exclaims.
Oh no he didn’t. Wow! Just wow after a closet fight with my roomy. Okay I’m just going to remain calm. Okay Katy stay calm.
He opens the door, but before I could enter the front seat of president vehicle he hands me flowers. Roses. Did he not hear what I said about roses.
“They are for you this time.”
How could I not smile. I’m taken by him. All of him, but my ego still stands. “They are igniting.” I smile, but I don’t look away this time. “Wow! So she can smile.” He says as he drives off.
There is nobody at the restaurant when we get there. What?!!!
We are ushered to our table for two which looks more like a family table. More flowers. Okay!
The waitress comes at our table for orders. Okay this menu is different. I’ve been here on business before so I should know what to expect on the menu, but I guess this guy is just full of surprises.
“No we’ll order later.” He says looking at me but talking to the waitress. I insist that she brings me a glass of water. It comes in a golden coated tray. I almost drank the whole glass at one go because of the nervousness I was overwhelmed with. He could tell that I am nervous to the bone.
We get to know each other before we order. I am surprised that he did not say a word about his achievements, just spoke a lot about his childhood life in the hood. Well I did not have much to say about struggle and hustle cause I grew up with a stable family in Santon Gauteng. The fact that I furthered my studies in Canada says it all, but I’m not about to brag about all that to my boss. It only strikes me now that education is one in a stack of keys to success. The first key to success is determination. Education is essential on most cases and not on some cases. If I knew any less about him I would have sworn that he had first class education judging from how his present turned out, not I mention his accent. I don’t get no “nah mean or wassup nigga” vibes from this brown. I should start calling him Stanley now, this whole brown thing is not working on my favour.
We laugh our lungs out while eating dessert when he tells me a story of how he cut his hair with a scissors trying a German cut.
He doesn’t seize to amaze me.
He stares at me as I’m laughing eating my chocolate ice cream.
“You look beautiful when you smile Miss Wilson.”
Wait… Why won’t he call me by my name? Okay that doesn’t matter.
“Thanks” I smile till my checks feel numb.

“Tonight was fun.” I say holding my flowers close to me. “You welcome.” He says. We stop at my door way and this gets very awkward. I don’t know if I should hug him or wait for his attempt. He smiles as though he doesn’t notice the awkwardness right now.
“I guess I’ll see you tomorrow then.” I say. He doesn’t say anything. I walk away and he’s still standing until I close the door. I don’t even hear his beast of a car drive off. Yes that’s what happens when you own a car worth seven houses in Beverly hills.
“Why are you doing eating…… that in the darkness.” I ask totally freaked out by her presence. “Uhuh is that what you call my food after eating at five start restaurants.” She switches the lights on. “Come here girl… I wanna hear all about tonight.” She says as she points at the couch for me to sit.
I am definitely in the mood to talk about tonight.
I don’t even take a bath or wear my sleep wear, I just throw myself on my bed and wake up the next day.
“Oh my God I’m late. I woke up late.” I rush to the bathroom; apply make up; wear my heels and head to the bus stop. Oh my God no, I need a car right now. Is this what happens when you go on dates with your boss? I ss don’t wanna be that girl. Fuck.
Vivi drives me to work and I see three more cars that look similar to Stanley’s. Oh my God the meeting with the Russians is today and I haven’t organized snacks and drinks at the board room. I am so fired. I rush off without even closing the door. I hear Vivi shouting at me “Bitch you owe me money for gas.” I don’t even turn to look at her. I find another lady at my desk.
Okay even if I am fired who the hell is that??
I hear a deep voice approaching me from behind. “Miss Wilson follow me please.” I follow the gentleman to the boardroom where i find two black men and the rest have blonde hair. Holy Mary mother of Jesus!!!
“Miss Wilson, we have men waiting for you.” The other Saunders says. By other I mean the one I don’t have feelings for. Or the one who doesn’t buy me flowers.
I am totally blank as to what to say to these men. I feel a little calm when I see a white lady in the room -at least I’m not the only white folk here.
“We’ve reviewed your CV and contract. We’d like you to work for us permanently, but on one condition.” He points at me with his expensive looking glasses. Gucci. What was I expecting anyway. “What is the condition?” I ask nervously.
I see my Saunders looking at me from one of the big chairs on one end of the table. Their chairs are different from the others. They say ‘boss’.
“You accept the promotion.” He says smilingly.
“Oh my God I would be delighted.” I cover my mouth with my hands. I’ve never been happier. Well except for last night.
“Welcome aboard Miss Wilson.” They all clap. I’ve never felt more important in my life.
The gentleman walks me out and tells me that I will be emailed basic procedures and increases will be up for discussion with the other Saunders by the end of the month. It would be awkward discussing raises with a person who took me out for dinner not to mention books the whole restaurant for three hours.

I read the contract and there is absolutely no terms and conditions I can’t handle. I start planning on saving a deposit for my first wheels. I won’t even try to buy something similar to Stanley’s or worth even half of what he owns. Now I’m wondering where he lives.

Spring is approaching so I think I need to go buy some suitable floral dresses for the dates I’ll be attending. Yes, it seems like a weekly procedure now. On some days I avail myself but on most I don’t. Oh I still need to tell my parents that I won’t be visiting home anytime soon because of my surprise promotion. My mom won’t take it lightly, but my dad is one who rather I go out there and see the world and learn the hard way rather. So my dad is off the worry list and there is no unattended boyfriend I left back there so all that’s there to worry about is my mother.

“I hope you understand that you didn’t get this promotion because of what’s going on between us.” He says.
Oh so there’s “us” now. Okay I guess I like that. “I was tempted to ask but when I thought of my potential I realised that I actually deserve to be PR around here.” I smile slightly and head to my office. Oh yes I have my own office now. “You flatter yourself beyond measures.” He says. He doesn’t open the door for me this time, we know our boundaries. Business and pleasure are immiscible. He sits on his huge chair and watches me leave. “You’ll get used to it.” I finally depart. His office and mine are consecutive, but that doesn’t mean I’ll be visiting him often. I have a respectable position now, so I don’t want to be seen with the boss all the time.

A gift from a world of No Strings Attached.


The differences between men and women when it comes to feelings are easily identified. All women know that perfect men do not exist amongst the Milky Way; so they try to build perfection from what they have. Then the good ones are almost unattainable to find, leading to women believing that all men are the same.
Maybe they are the same, but something that we should learn is that some men were made while some men were created. All with different mindsets, needs and aspirations.

It is undisclosed that men inquire about corporeal comfort and women seek emotional comfort. Which clashes because the woman can endow with the physical needs of the man while the man can only fulfil the womens need for emotional satisfaction for a time being.
The need for applying make-up is owed to men falling for what they see and men’s lies go back to women falling for what they hear.
The main idea here is that men can never love truthfully and wholeheartedly. It can be one of the two but never both.
A few words can make her knees scrawny and plant an evergreen smile on her face. Just a few gratifying words like “You’re ravishing” or “your smile gives the moon something worth shining on.”
That’s it, that’s where women are defeated and fall for a mans trap before they even say the key words ‘I love you.’ Sometimes the compliments can surpass the ‘I love you’ to a summit where the woman ends up saying it first without realizing that it hasn’t been said to her.
It doesn’t take a single word in the Oxford dictionary for a man to know that she has fallen for him. All she does is smile unstoppably and looks away whenever he is searching for her eyes. There she goes; she’s fallen for the ensnare. Mission accomplished.

At least there is still a few men with the interests to get I know her better before taking the cookie. For those men intelligence and mindfulness matters more than the curves on her face and hips. These are the men that women appreciate.
Men don’t want to complicate their love life; neither do they get too excited about it. Sometimes you’re just a silent partner that has to be there when it tickles his fancy. The last thing he wants is to get too attached to a relationship so much that if she leaves him he would be totally tarnished.
This covers it, Men make us happy and we feel safe in their presence. But when will the man who wants to make you happy forever come forward and capitulate unconditionally to you?


It was never my intention to read Steve Harvey’s ‘Think like a man, act like a lady,’ but ostensibly all Canadian females happens to be reading it at shopping queues, train stations and even carry it on toilet lines at the mall; I also felt the urge to read it. I put my pride aside and stood in line with the many people -mostly ladies- waiting for this tall black man with a fixed moustache to sign on his new release and pass a joke with bombastic words at it.
In my mind ‘he might have had the best high school life. Rich parents. Private schools’ as I was observing from his black spotless tuxedo and his shoes that shined so much he wouldn’t need a mirror.
His wife stood next to him for every photo with a fan -mostly the white ladies- with a welcoming smile and damn her shoes look expensive. I stood there third in line with my tight fitting grey dress and black heels not longer than three inches. My time finally came and with my luck this gentleman who happened to be in a hurry had his book signed before me -how arrogant.
I pull on a smile while fixing my glasses to look at this millionaire sign my book and show me his white canines at it. I didn’t want a picture so I just see myself to the nearest bus stop shelter and wait for my 6 o’clock bus.

“It seems like this book has a gender restriction.” Says a voice coming from right above my head.
He lets out his hand to greet me but I look at it and back at my book.
“How can you read and listen to music at the same time?” He says again. My God this guy will be the death of me. “I am not listening to music” I answer him with zero chills. “You have your earphones on.” He says again. I don’t say anything hoping that he will just keep quiet as well or just jump off already. “Oh I get it, you want to ignore guys like me that come here and annoy you from your reading. Okay!” He sounds a bit down turned. I just look up at him. Wait, this is the very guy who was in a hurry to some meeting.
“You won’t give up won’t you?” I say as I flip on the pages.
“No,” he says with a dimpled smile across his face as if I just confessed to loving him. I don’t smile nor reply to whatever he said about my earphones. “So I take the meeting is over.” I look at my watch indicating that it wouldn’t have taken ten minutes.
“Its a strategy to get out of queues. Females seem to be the only people who enjoy queues.” He giggles to himself. I still don’t smile at him. In fact I am trying my best to be as cold as possible towards him, but he doesn’t seem to acknowledge my meanness.
After a minute of utter silence I say “so queues are for females huh?”
He laughs. God what’s wrong with this man. “I didn’t say that.”
I give him the look from above my glasses. I’m tempted to take them off and look at him with the naked eye but why give him the privilege. “I said females seem to enjoy queues. That’s where the problem starts, you think that you heard everything but the thing is you only hear what you want to hear.” He still looks at me with a slight smile after insulting my ability to listen and analyse. I continue reading the book, but now I’m not reading I am trying to avoid this active volcano in front of me that just won’t stop erupting. I wonder what else is he going to say ‘heels control a woman’s temper’.
He keeps on telling me his theories and I finally tell him to stop talking to me. “Make me.” He says. I hate that he is forcing a conversation, but damn the smile he keeps on shining my way is igniting.
“Make you? How?” I snap.
We’re off the bus now and it seems that this guy lives four blocks away from my apartment. “Give me your number.” He says.
Now that I’m standing and looking at him face to face I can see his four corner jaw line accommodating his facial features. His eyes are a tawny turquoise with glowing sparks. His nose is pointy I could swear he doesn’t need an alarm to wake up cause he just smells the coffee being brewed in the café across the road, and he knows its time to wake up. His lips were the only feature that could deprive me from saying he’s handsome hence they are powder pink shade and smaller than lilies. I stuttered for a seconds when I couldn’t get out the words of my mind to my mouth. I finally got my tongue back and told him to leave me alone. He keeps on following me until I reach my doorway.
“So you are not going to give me your number on the first day huh?” He asks. My house mate comes along and I have never been happier. She stands behind him and insists that he moves away so she can enter the house. She is literally standing behind him which brought me to my come back. “Please don’t stand in line with my roomy; I thought queues were for females.” I shut the door and leave him outside, hoping that I don’t find him at my doorstep next morning.

“Girl,” she comes at me looking like an eight-year old experiencing the joys of a surprise party. “You shut the door in Stanley’s face. Oh my God.” She sits next to me.
Her name is Vivian Willemse and I’ve lived with her in this apartment for over four months. She’s completing her degree in Public Relations but her dream was to be in the Central Intelligence Agency in America. I guess dreams never come true.
“What? you know his name?” I close my book and take off my glasses to face her. She rolls her eyes and says “Duh I know him yes. I’ve always had a secret crush on him” she giggles and bites her bottom lips. I look away. She grabs my book and places it on the side table. “Oh my God don’t tell me he’s asking you out.” He gasps. “What no…”
“Uh uh I know that look.” She says pointing at my eyes. Her fingers are threateningly long for a female.
“What look?” I ask trying to grab my book from behind her.
“You like him don’t you?” She says, I’m not sure if she’s disappointed that her crush showed up at our doorway looking for me, or she’s happy that her house mate is being bothered by the most handsome man in Canada who lives down the street. Did I just say handsome?

Next morning I find him at the bus station carrying flowers. There’s a combination of yellow and white roses and there’s a note. I try my best to hide away from him but he seems to smell me from a distance. He mumbles a few words on the phone before he approaches me with the flowers.
I look at them deep and say “I don’t like roses.”
“Oh these. No these aren’t for you.” He replies.
Ouch. Did he really just do that? Nor did I really assume that this arrogant guy would buy me flowers when he doesn’t even now my name. I look away disappointed. “They are for my boss. He asked me to get him flowers for his mother…” I jump in the bus before he could finish his sentence. At the back of my mind I know he’s telling the truth but I don’t want to convince him.

Today I’m wearing a maroon tight fit dress not longer than my knees and the heels are always black. My black accessories stand out on my plain pale skin. The veins cutting across my chest reminds me of Stanley’s jaws. I find myself deep in thought about how broad his shoulders are and the size of his shoes -man size. I couldn’t help but notice his deep voice. I felt like mine was out of question when he speaks; like he’s making me agree to whatever he’s saying at that point.
I was also wondering how he got to work this morning cause he didn’t take the bus.

This rain is revolutionary and I don’t even have an umbrella. The walk to the bus station is five minute’s away from the office gate and for any lady wearing five inch heels that is suicide. I stand on the thatch of the office waiting for Vivian to fetch me but instead a plack Porsche parks at my feet and the window slides down slowly. I am more than keen to see who is driving but my ego is telling me to look away.
“You want me to open the door for you?” The very same deep Canadian voice escapes from the windows.
“No I want you to leave me alone.” I look away. He closes the window and drives off. Just when the bus is approaching the station the Porsche appears again. This time he opens the door for me.
Is this guy really about to……
I can’t resist the sight of his dimpled smile and cat eyes begging me without a word to enter the front seat of a Porsche.

“You’re ravishing” he says. I smile and look out the window. He’s probably smiling but I don’t look. “Thank you” I say before I jump off the car. “You know I took the bus to talk to you yesterday?” He says. I look at him surprised. What the fuck is going on here?
“O…Kay!” I reply not sure what exactly he was expecting of me.
He giggles, “is that all you’re going to say?” He asks.
“I haven’t forgotten your stereotype about females and queues, so even if I know what you expect of me I wouldn’t say.” I step out the car and close the door gently.
“You owe me dinner.” He shouts just before I enter the compound.
“That’s no way of asking me out. And besides you don’t even know my name.” He keeps quiet.
“Good night Miss Wilson.” I pause for a second, but rethink giving him the advantage of seeing my face again so I go in the house.
In my head: ‘This guy has hired a Private I for me? Or better yet he’s been following me.’
Vivi finds me talking to myself. “Are you obsessed about this guy Katy?”
Oh my God not you again, I’m not up for this. “Vivi I am cold and my only goal right now is to take a warm shower and read my book. I pause. She stares at me with her hands on her hips. “I’m not about to argue about a guy that believes that queues are for females. What crap is that?” I snap and head to the bathroom.
She follows me. “What… Stanley said that?” She blurts out a little laugh. “You think that’s funny huh?”
“Its not funny. Its… Its new.”
What crap is this woman talking.
“You know what Vivi, this guy is trying to make me fall for all his charms by fetching me on a rainy day with a Porsche that is not even his. He knows me not.”
She almost chokes on her coffee when she hears me say ‘Fetched me on a rainy day with a Porsche that is not even his own.’
“What wait… He fetched you at work…?”
I forgot to mention that Vivian is a black American, that means she can read my replies off my face like Madea, so I definitely have no way of winning an argument with her.
“It was raining elephants and rhinos so he came by and I couldn’t refuse the offer.” I walk out on her. ‘Elephants and rhinos ‘ she frowns.
“its an exaggeration for cats and dogs.” I shout as I make my way to the sitting room. “What girl wait, you not gonna walk out on me after all this elephant and cat dog shit… Know what that’s beside the point, the point is you got into his car cause you were desperate to see him closer and smell his scent.”
“Holy Mary mother of God. I don’t even like that guy. And besides I’m not about to complicate my life with a relationship with some hot brown guy from across the road.
“Across the road.” She frowns again. She sits next to me, closes my book and says “let me tell you something you don’t know Miss Wilson. Stanley Saunders is COO and soon to be CEO of the Saunders holding that you ,honey, work at. He’s your boss.” She blinks five times in a second.
I am flattered. Why did he say those flowers are for his boss in the morning? And why did he take the bus that other day?
“You’re telling me that, Stanley owns that company?” I take out my glasses at it.
What the hell.
“Mmhmm” she says with her one eyebrow up. “Still don’t wanna date?” She doesn’t give me the chance to answer and she heads to her bedroom.
I stay up for hours reading Steve Harvey’s works. I’m sleepless and I hope its not because of Stanley. My boss. God I’m not that girl who dates her boss. I know why I came to Canada and I’ll just stick to my goal.

A quick update…

Friends and friends, i hope everybody is doing well.

Bad news: I have been over occupied that is why I haven’t poapos anything in a long time.

Good news: I’m still around and as of next week I will be sharing my book with you…title: A gift from a world of no strings attached…see you all next week

– You’re just too good to be true!

I am riveted by the charm of your presence,
I feel my breath stop within me,
I am breathless,
All my wandering thoughts turn to you.
My heart, like a compass pointing towards North,
Always turn to you…
But this was not always the case…

You were a complete stranger,
Never knew you,
Like moons, we orbited on different worlds,
Separate and apart…
Your rare personality drew me towards you,
I fell into the web you made for me,
And I don’t want to go out…I never thought a simple dimpled smile would mean the rest of me.

I want you within me,
To embrace you,
To have my arms around you,
Holding and touching you….

I want to taste those sensous lips,
Those lips that send my mind into a frenzy,
I want to gaze into your enthralling eyes,
And let my mind roam…
I want a glimpse of your presence,
Your personality, your character…
You’re my fantasy, my dream,
My inspiration,
Everything in this world that I need,
My every breath…

Come to me,
Be with me,
Let me be your shadow,
Let me be the ocean and you the waves,
Let me the drops that’ll fill the ocean of your heart…


This may sound cliche, but I just think that love exists in our minds. It’s like the real world has no love to give, or to show. Yet in our hearts and minds we hold the greatest love of all. Okay, at some point I didn’t believe in this elusion called love, but growth taught me love because then I learned to love myself. Which makes it easier to give this love to someone else really. It feels amazing to love and be loved, but the truth will remain that love is not love for it never lasts.